Badgers? We don't need no stinkin badgers.

[A short squat man wearing a shiny metallic shirt only buttoned half way with wide collars heads up to the podium. His hair is slicked back and a shiny gold medallion is nestled comfortably in a copious tuft of chest hair.]

Hey Yo. My name is Joey LoDucca of LoDucca Brothers Automotive Repair and Storage. My parole office says I gots to come to these meetings. I’m like one of dem addicts or something.

[Hank the Were Wimp pipes in “Sir, I believe you want the meeting down the hall. This is Were Creatures Anonymous.”]

Oh Yeah, I’m one of dose too. I’m whatchu call one of dem dere Were-Badgers. My Girlfriend says I gots a bad temper and I needs to come to dese meetings. I told her to mind her own beeswax, but then the judge got all over me for kicking da crud out of some goombah that got in my way at the grocery store. I told him dat it was my right as an American citizen to kick the living tar out of jerks that annoy me. And then he said it was his right to send me to da pokey if I didn’t come to dese meetings.

I done already spent time in da big house. Dey don’t take too kindly to my kind if you know what I mean.

[Someone from the crowd yells out “Were-Creature?”]

No, Italian, ya dumb Pollock.

I don’t knows how you guys handle this. Every time I turn around there’s some moron begging to get his throat ripped out. Da guy who got me sent here took da last box of cinnamon pop tarts right before me. You can’t tell me dat he didn’t deserve to get blasted.

The other day there was dis tremendously fat fool going down the escalator and was just standing and not walking down. I couldn’t get around him, so I freakin blasted him. I mean go down the freakin escalator. If you don’t want to move, stay on your couch and watch reruns of Bonanza for heavens sake. Damn Hoss wannabe just stood there wasting my time.

And dis time of da year, they come out in force. You can’t reach your hand out without brushing up against some moron that is dying to get blasted. I say go return your crappy gift and get the freak off of da roads. You people are really pissing me off.

Dat’s all I gots ta say. And remember if you need good quality repairs on your mode of vehicular transportation or need some place to store your boat, RV, or expensive pieces of jewelry, be sure to call LoDucca Brothers.