Lollipop Love

“Hi, I’m Hank and I’m a werewolf.”

[Everyone: Hi Hank!]

“I’m… Uh… Wow, this is tougher than I thought… Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it…”

[Person in the crowd: So say it already!]

“I was working up to it! This isn’t easy and you’ll understand when I finally say it… All right… Out with it…

“I’m in love with a lollipop!”

[Same person: A what?]

“A lollipop. What’s with all the blank stares? Geez, don’t you people know what a lollipop is?”

[Miguel: I know-]

“Besides you, Miguel… Man, don’t any of you people ever go out or read anything in the press? A lollipop is a vampire!

“You guys still don’t get it? It’s like this. A vampire is a blood sucker. People shorten blood sucker to sucker. And a sucker is another word for a lollipop. See? It’s simple.

“I can see by your faces that this isn’t sinking in. Let’s just say vampires would rather be called lollipops than scabbies. At least the girls would. And that’s what I want to tell you about. I’m in love with a girl vampire!

“I’d been looking around for a script writer to infect with ALPS so we could get a big, sympathetic movie made about us. And with that stupid editorial calling for internment of all of us, I figured it was more important than ever to find the script writer fast! I did some searching around on the internet. By the way, thanks for fixing my computer again, Miguel!"

[Miguel: No prob, dude.]

“Anyway, I’d found this guy, Luke Dorn, who was taking a break from Hollywood for a few months. He came here to teach writing for a semester at a local college and work on a book he was writing. Anyway, I tracked-“

[Miguel: You tracked?]

“Okay, I told Miguel about the guy and he tracked him down somehow. I think Miguel used his computer but I don’t know. Anyway, once I knew where Luke lived and worked, I watched him for a while to figure out his habits. It turns out he always hits a sports bar on Monday nights to watch football. I started going to same bar and it wasn’t too hard to manage to meet him and get him talking. That’s an essential skill for a used car salesman! Besides, he made it easy. He always wore a Philadelphia Eagles hat and jacket. I just showed up wearing the same and he did most of my work for me.

“Anyway, we became good buddies. I wasn’t faking that, either. Luke turned out to be a good guy. Nice enough I was starting to feel sorry I had to infect him with ALPS. Last Monday, I suggested we meet at his apartment after work and grab a bite to eat before the game. That way I could bite him in private and not give the papers any more bad stuff to write about us.

“I showed up at Luke’s place at 6:30 and he offered me a beer while he finished up something. I kicked in a little of the power just to sense if he was nervous or anything. And right then the door opened and a woman walked in. A really good looking woman.

“Luke said, ‘Oh, good. I was hoping you’d get home in time! Hank, this is my sister Michelle.’

“But we weren’t paying attention to Luke. Michelle glared at me and said, “Alpo.” I glared back and said, “Scabbie.” Luke was just looking back and forth between us looking confused when Michelle leaped at me.

“She knocked me back into the wall but I just used it to push off and hit her hard, knocking her down. Next thing, we were rolling all around trying to get an advantage on the other. I really wanted to fully transform, but you know how you have to give it all your concentration for a second or so to transform if the moon isn’t full? Well, I figured if I took that second or so, she’d rip my throat out or something.

“In the background, I think Luke was shouting at us. He was probably trying to figure out what was going on, too. Can’t say I blame him. I mean, his sister and his new friend were rolling around on the floor, breaking his furniture and trying to kill each other. It’d probably freak out any normal.

“Michelle and I rolled up against this monster couch that Luke had and everything stopped for a second. She was lying on top of me, trying to pin my arms to the floor. We were both panting and I’ll bet I had the same wild, uncontrolled look in my eyes that she had in hers. I could feel blood rolling down the side of my cheek from a cut. Then it was like the whole world vanished for a few seconds. It just her and me, staring into each other’s eyes. That’s when she leaned down and licked the blood off my cheek. The look on her face told me everything.

“She was hungry and it was taking every bit of control she had to fight her natural instincts. I know how that feels. We all know how that feels. So I said, ‘Go ahead and feed. It’s okay. ’ I turned my head and offered my neck to her. That wasn’t easy to do, I’ll tell you!

“Her fangs popped out but she still hesitated. ‘I… I shouldn’t!’

“’Why not?’ I asked her. ‘Remember? I’m a werewolf. I’ll heal! Let yourself go. Everyone needs to do that every now and then.’

“I’ve got a better idea why vampires are having an easier time fitting in to noral society than we are. Having a vampire feed on you is… Well, it’s hard to describe. It hurts a bit at first but then it becomes really intimate. It’s not like sex, but it’s just as intimate.

“After a few minutes, it dawned on us that Luke was still in the room watching us. It was almost embarrassing. Kind of like being in college and having your roommate ignore the tie you left on the door knob and walked in at the wrong time. But Luke was embarrassed by it. Hell, he was busy scribbling in a notebook and muttering, ‘This is great stuff!’

“I won’t go over everything that happened afterwards, but get this. Luke’s going to write that screenplay we want! He’s going to put vampires in it, too, which makes sense considering his sister is one. It’s going to be about how alienated both groups are from normal society. I didn’t even have to give Luke ALPS to get him started! And I met a wonderful girl at the same time!

“I love it when a plan comes together!”