Ripples

“Arrrrrrrgh!!! Tim?!”

From around the corner come hurried footsteps. In a moment, he’s beside her, blue eyes filled with worry. He sets his cell down on the table and takes her arm.

“Uh, sweetheart? Are you okay?”

“Yes… it’s just… that one HURT!”

“Hold it together, darling. The midwife says she’s almost here.”

“Okay… good… but I don’t know HOW to hold it together! I’ve never done this before! Did we wait too long to call? I didn’t want to bother them if… arrrrrrgh…. uhhhhh… ahhhh…”

She leans into him and shuts her eyes as another contraction hits.

“It’ll be fine, Jill… you’re doing good… breathe… breathe…”

* * *

An hour later labor is in full swing. Tim holds Jill’s hand. Genevieve had delivered over a thousand babies in her years as a midwife… but to the best of her knowledge, this was her first ALPS-positive birth. At least this couple had told her they had ALPS. She actually didn’t know if that meant the baby would also have it. Her assistant Meg stands next to her, bottle of olive oil in hand. Genevieve puts on gloves and cracks the seal.

“Jill… I’m going to check you to see your progress. Is that okay?”

“Yes… sure… AARRGH!!”

Genevieve waits for the contraction to pass, then gently feels for progress.

“Great job, Jill! You’re going so fast- you’re almost completely dilated. Way-to-go, girl! Whenever you’re ready to push… push!”

Jill nods, teeth clenched against the pressure of another contraction. Tim helps her, holding her hand and counting seconds. Meg rubs Jill’s arm and speaks soothing nothings.

Genevieve was worried. As much as she told herself that she was open-minded and unprejudiced, ALPS was a little weird even for her.

What if Jill BITES me!?

Without thinking, she retreats slightly from the tableau and puts her hands behind her back.

Heck... what if the BABY bites me?!

But then Jill grunts and starts her first real push. Genevieve’s professionalism takes over. In a moment, she’s crouching beside her laboring charge.

“Good job, Jill… are you feeling the urge to push now?”

“Yesssss!!!”

“Then push whenever your body is ready!”

A minute later, Jill pushes again, even harder. This is going really quickly, Genevieve thinks. She’s really moving along for a first-time mother!

With a load yell (roar?), Jill pushes again.

Oh God… please don’t let her turn into a lion or something… oh God…

Genevieve looks at Tim, still standing steady. Meg puts on gloves. Jill’s face strains with effort, muscles tense along her body.

Oh geez… is the hair on her arms turning darker???

Genevieve feels faint, then reproaches herself. Concentrate on your job, soldier. Not much longer!

* * *

A short time after the pushing began, Genevieve sees it. The baby is crowning.

“He’s coming, Jill! You’re doing it! Meg… quick… get the mirror.”

Meg hands it to Genevieve. “Do you want to see, Jill?”

Through clenched teeth comes a “Yes!”

Genevieve positions it. “See the baby? See that full head of hair?”

Jill looks down, between contractions now. She yelps! “No, omigod… no… omigod that looks horrible!

Genevieve frowns. “Horrible? I don’t think so – looks good to me! See the baby…” She adjusts the mirror. “…right here?”

Jill shudders, horrified. “Oh God… no… it’s just a huge hole… a hole… omigod, I can’t look… take the mirror away…”

Her midwife does, perplexed. That was a weird response…

Tim risks a glimpse between his wife’s legs. “Looks beautiful to me, darling. Dark hair – like yours! OW!”

Jill grips his arm. Her fingernails draw blood. “ArrrrrrrGH!!!” She pushes… the head is out!

For a moment, her eyes turn to slits and some short hairs appear across her face. In a flash, her inner puma appears and disappears. Genevieve notices… then sighs in relief as it passes… then returns to the child.

“Almost… one more!

Jill pushes again… the baby arrives!

Tim yells, “It’s a boy!”

Jill collapses back onto the bed, exhausted. Meg hands her the baby. Genevieve ties off the cord and hands Tim scissors.

Snip! A new life enters the world.

* * *

Jill and the baby are alone. The midwife and assistant were gone. Tim phones family in the next room. And little Esau nuzzles contentedly at her breast.

She flashes back to the crowning incident.

The image of that red and black gaping hole…

(Shudder)

…don’t think about it! I can’t believe that was MY vagi-

Tim peeks through the door, interrupts the thought. “Hey darling… can I come in?”

She lets him. He kisses her and the baby. A few minutes later he leaves again, remembering another call that needs to be made.

When he does, Jill painstakingly rolls to her left and uncovers her other breast for Esau. She didn’t think he was getting much yet, but the midwife told her to let him suckle. He latches on without trouble. She half-dozes, eyes drifting lazily across the room. The large mirror on the wall reflects her newly-thin form. She sees a bare breast.

No baby.

Shock!

The baby is right here! But not there?!

Then she remembered a dream she’d had.

A dream?!

* * *

It had been a dark night, full moon. She was feeling her puma-self, turning in her bed. Tim was gone for the weekend. Darn his job!

She wanted him. Badly.

Finally, she slept… and dreamed…

In it, she hears a scratching at the window. Wearing a thin slip, she turns. The moonlight plays across her svelte frame. Catlike, her eyes look into the gloom.

Nothing.

But she smells something. Like… incense? A sweetness… and undertones of damp stone, wilting flowers and mould.

Another scratch. Then she sees a face. In her dream, he’s dangerously handsome. Dark flashing eyes… a noble nose… dark hair…

She isn’t afraid. Trancelike, she drifts to the window. A strap falls from her shoulder. One breast is exposed to the moonlight. She doesn’t notice. All she feels is desire for the stranger.

It opens. He enters. They lie together.

The next morning she awakens, contented and well-slept. Half-memories of a vivid and passionate dream play in her mind as she drinks her coffee. A pleasant fantasy.

When Tim arrives home, she falls into bed with him, delighted in his return. The dream was mostly forgotten.

Until now.

* * *

Initially, she feels only shock. Then horror.

This child… could he be… oh my GOD! A lollipop???

Esau sleeps.

Tim will never forgive me!

A small frown plays across his face.

But… I didn’t know it was real!

His little fist opens as dozing deepens.

He’ll never believe that! Everything will be ruined… our whole life together!

Then a plan comes to mind.

Mirrors! I can ditch all the mirrors!

She carefully disengages from her newborn and arises. Taking the mirror from the wall, she stores it in the closet.

That’s a start.

* * *

A couple weeks later, Tim once again has a short trip to make. Three days with his boss, selling someone on something.

He protested that he didn’t want to leave her alone with Esau but she made him go.

He left in the morning. After breakfast and nursing, she starts her task.

Bathroom mirrors? Removed.

Stainless cookware? Goodwill.

Hall mirror tiles? Gone.

At long last, she’s contented. He won’t find out in the house at least. I’ve bought some time…

* * *

He gets back and is surprised.

“Uh… Jill… have you gone nuts?”

“No, why?”

“Where are the mirrors?”

“Gone, darling.”

He stares at her.

“Why?”

“I just… can’t stand to see myself, Tim… I, uh… look terrible… pregnancy ruined me…”

He looks at her figure. Not perfect… but certainly not ruined!

“Jill… maybe this is a post-partum thing…”

“Tim, just let me do this, okay?”

He frowns. “I can’t shave without a mirror.”

Her lip trembles.

“Please… don’t make me see another mirror… please… I beg you!” A tear rolls down her cheek. It was half-faked… but not completely.

Taken aback by her emotion, he grasps her arms.

“Okay, if that’s how you feel…”

He kisses her, still perplexed, walks to the crib and changes subject.

“What a beautiful little boy… thank you for bringing him into the world, darling.”

Now she cries for real.

* * *

Esau grew quickly. His hair was black as coal and his eyes flashed. He generally slept during the day but at night he was wide awake.

Six months old and Tim still didn’t suspect. Jill starts to let her guard down a little.

Every time Tim wanted to go out, she’d feigned tiredness. Or claimed concern for little Esau’s health. “You wouldn’t want him to catch the flu, would you darling… he’s still so little!”

But one overcast day, she relents. They walk to the park together. Esau drowses in his stroller. Tim holds her hand.

A little picnic is spread on the grass. Sandwiches, cucumber slices, a splash of white wine. It feels like a celebration. Children play nearby, and even Esau seems happy in the filtered sunlight, despite drowsiness.

He points and giggles at a family of ducks splashing in the nearby pond.

Tim scoops up the infant with a grin. “Let’s go see ‘em, tough guy!”

Jill laughs. It was wonderful to be together with her family and out of the house.

Esau rides Tim’s shoulders to water’s edge. Silvery wrinkles play across the surface beneath the duck’s bodies. Tim tosses them crusts and they fight. More giggles!

Then a bark breaks the moment… a dog tears up to the pond… scaring the birds away.

Tim and Esau watch them go. Then they gaze down at a soggy crust in the water.

And slowly, the ripples clear.