Hi. My name is Megan and I’m the head cheerleader at West Valley High.
GO BADGERS!
I’m also like a were-cheetah, which is cool because cheetahs are like so hot. And not to brag I’m like the hottest girl at West Valley so I’m way smoking whether I’m doing a quadruple back somersault or running down that wench Cindy Johnson.
I don’t know why everyone is like so depressed around here. Being a were-cheetah is so awesome. I was worried at first when it came out that I had ALPS but my Dad is like this big time lawyer and he said he would sue the pants off of them if they like discriminated against me.
Which is weird because I don't know what he would use Principle Jones's pants for.
Anyway, since they put in a foot bath for that Muslim kid, a meditation room for Miss Riley who’s a Buddhist, and a field of daisies for the shop teacher Mr. Stone who just became a Hare Krishna I’m totally getting a selection of live farm animals to chose from in the cafeteria. I mean it is so awesome having ALPS because I can eat a whole goat and like none of it goes to my thighs.
When it first was rumored that I was a little bit different, that slut Cindy Johnson threatened to ostracize me if I didn’t step down and let her be head cheerleader. AS IF! There is no way I’d let that ho bag lead our squad when our football team needs us so bad. We were going to play Central that week and they are like so tough. Plus she has really bad hair. Like, Hello Cindy Johnson. You might want to have that looked at by someone other than Uncle Mort down at Great Clips. I mean have some Badger Pride.
You should have seen the look on her face when I growled at her and in a totally scary cheetah voice told her to “Step off whore or I’m like going to totally rip open your flat chested rib cage and feast on your still beating heart." I think she peed her pants which is totally awesome because Derek, the all state quarterback and total megababe totally saw her do it.
And that’s the best part. It turns out that Derek is a were-panther and he is so H-O-T. We totally hit it off and started hanging out together and stuff. And he totally asked me to Prom yesterday at lunch while we were munching on a Llama. Who knew Llama could be so romantic. Cindy Johnson is so jealous!
Anyway to quote that hunk Ryan Seacrest, Megan Out!
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4 comments:
Megan, welcome to our little group. I hope that you can learn some things from us. LIKE, for example, drop that like. Ugh!
It is nice to see that schools are coming around with accommodations for ALPS students.
Wow, schools really have come a long way since I was there. No one with ALPS was ever popular, much less a cheerleader or the starting quarterback. Cool.
But I've got agree with Lucrezia about the valley girl speech, too. Bleah!
Like, I don't know what you're talking about. I totally don't talk like a valley girl.
And Hank, popularity is a state of mind. Cream rises to the top. It doesn't matter if the cream comes from a smoking hot QB or a sweet Cheetah.
Thanks for clarifying, Megan. Wow, real life is going to be such a shock to you.
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